As someone who loves to read and do research, I have read MANY articles on infidelity. There are countless articles and books about men doing the cheating and it greatly outweighs what is out there on women doing the cheating, but this is THE BEST article I have come across so far, and the one that most closely describes my own situation, though not entirely. We are all individuals, everyone’s lives and stories are different, so this article does not describe me to a T, but comes closer than anything else I have come across.
Here is an excerpt written by Samantha Parent Walravens entitled “Women in Their 40’s are Having Great Sex……Just Not With Their Husbands” on Huffington Post (I love all things Huff Post, btw). To see the entire article, click here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-parent-walravens/women-in-their-40s-having_b_1670101.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
While there are several factors that contribute to marital infidelity, there are a few unique reasons women in their 40s cheat. Here are the top 10: (I do not agree that this is THE TOP 10; that’s too broad and general a statement to make in my opinion……regardless)
1. Greater confidence. Women in their 40s have fewer insecurities and are more confident about their bodies, their careers and themselves. They know who they are and feel comfortable in their skin. Many have jobs outside the house and an identity apart from that of mother/wife. Working outside the house also provides women more opportunities to meet men — and to pursue affairs — than their stay-at-home counterparts.
2. “Mommy” stage is over. By their 40s, women no longer have leaky, milk-filled breasts for feeding babies. Hey, maybe they’ve even gotten their pre-baby figure back! They are feeling sexy for the first time in a while. Having brought up toddlers, they have more freedom to go out again and relax — with their husbands, partners or someone else entirely.
3. Shifting hormones. In their 40s, women’s testosterone levels are on the rise, which increases their libido, or sex drive. The so-called “nurturing” hormones — estrogen and oxytocin — are on the wane, making them less physically wired to attend to the needs of others and more likely to put themselves and their own needs first.
4. Bedroom boredom. Let’s face it, after 20 years with the same partner, sex can become “plain vanilla.” And as Christian Grey has taught us, nobody likes “plain vanilla.” Sex with someone new is exciting and forbidden and provides a dopamine rush similar to a drug-induced high.
5. Feeling neglected/unappreciated. Women wear many hats in a marriage — housekeeper, errand-runner, grocery shopper, babysitter, cook, doctor, lover, etc. Is it any wonder that a woman is tuckered out by her 40s? If she feels more like a housekeeper or maid than a beloved and cherished wife, that’s when she may stray. The fact that a husband may be spending inordinate amounts of time at work, traveling or on the golf course gives her more reason to seek attention elsewhere.
6. Self-esteem booster. Sex can be an instant pick-me-up, a self-esteem booster that makes women feel sexier, more beautiful and more loved. If a woman feels unappreciated or neglected by her husband, a sexual affair could be just the medicine that she needs.
7. Revenge/payback for past wrongs. Whether her husband cheated, lost a job, made a bad investment or got caught in a lie, a woman feels hurt and betrayed when trust has been broken. She may want to do the same to get even.
8. Financial woes. Many families today are experiencing financial troubles, which puts a huge strain on a marriage. Women in their 40s feel that they have put in many years of hard labor — giving birth, raising kids and often working outside the house at the same time. When their husbands are without jobs or decent paychecks, women feel that their husbands are not fulfilling their end of the bargain and become angry and resentful.
9. Letting the bad girl out. Have you noticed how many women get a breast augmentation, liposuction or other plastic surgery after their childbearing years to enhance their looks and sexuality? If not, take another look. Just as men feel the need to sow their wild oats, some women have an inner sex kitten that — especially with rising testosterone levels — is just waiting to come out!
10. Exit strategy. Instead of breaking up, it’s easier to cheat. An affair is an easy way out, or at least that’s how some women see it.
Bottom line? Female infidelity is on the rise. When you add up all the reasons that women cheat, it’s usually her heart — or ego — that needs healing. Not her libido.
I can say that numbers 5, 8, and 10 do NOT apply to me, while one of the BIGGEST reasons for me is not on the list at all. This is what I mean that we are all individuals. No two lives are exactly the same. In my last post I wrote that “at this point in my life, I should be plowing ahead at full speed at whatever my heart and mind desires before it’s too late. I’m not getting any younger, time is not on my side, and all of those other clichés.” Another blogger did not understand what I meant by this so I want to explain it here.
The quote on my home page feels like the theme of my life right now, written by one of my favorite authors, Ian McEwan, “Still young enough to yearn for the unpredictable, and old enough to know the chances are narrowing.” What this means to me is that I am now 43 years old! My life is half over. I’m very lucky at my age, in a nation that does not value older women, to still be able to attract men. I am yearning for the excitement that happens with all things new in a relationship between a man and a woman who have chemistry. At this time in my life, I strongly feel that my chances to have that excitement are narrowing with each passing day. I’m getting older each passing day, in a nation that, again, does not value older women. Maybe, just maybe I am wrong. I’ve certainly been wrong and even plain stupid before, so maybe I’m wrong now….but just following my gut. However, my gut is leading me down a very naughty path.
And despite the title of this post, the article itself, plus my addition to it, this is STILL NOT all of the WHY for me. I said above that 5, 8, and 10 do not apply to me, but I could write entire posts about the remaining ones that do apply.